Fun & Games

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JOKE
Police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Bloody hell, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £60 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."

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Fun Picture

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JOKE
Woman comes home and tells her husband "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat

'I do not have a headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache

It worked!  The headaches are all gone."

"Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and
see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes picks up his wife and carries her into the  bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says,  "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says "Don't move, I'll be right back"

With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom she sees him standing at the mirror and saying...

"She's not my wife

She's not my wife.

She's not my wife!"

His funeral service will be held on Saturday!

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FEEL FREE TO PRINT THESE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

Husbands Night Out Permission Slip: Click Here!

Wifes Nite Out Permissions Slip: Click Here!

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JOKE - Two Nuns:

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to attack  us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down .

 And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

I'll pray for you!

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